I realize I have lost me and allowed him to treat me this way. I’m sorry you’re stuck in this relationship, and that you know you should leave but you don’t have the strength. How are you doing ? Somehow everything above i mentioned is my fault according to him. Her struggles and successes give me strength. To get strength to leave, you need to reconnect with your family. He knows that losing my daughter is my only fear and he claims he is going to make it happen. I am needing help, i am in a relationship where my partner spends more money then me and does not even live with me, he does not watch the kids and if he does its after hes moaned and carried on about it, i never leave the house due to have 3 young babies and finding it hard, and a lot of the time it can go 1/2 days before he even calls me. daughter and her 7 year old that my husband and I have been raising since she was 18 months old. My process to acceptance included allowing all that emotion to just flow out of me.. without the judgment of myself for feeling that way or the blame on my ex-husband for “making me feel that way”. we went through these conversations before, we broke up and then we came back together. Every time we argue he gets so mad and says things and i feel like he is this way because he knows i will be by his side and wont leave him. Little acts of self-nurturing and self-love. "I love you, but not strongly enough." Someone please help me. AND we called off the wedding last year because of me finding him and the fight. But the key to finding that person is believing in yourself. I decided to try to stay with him as he promised me that he does love me and that this is just a phase. I won’t give you relationship advice because I don’t actually think you need it. I have real issues going to bed at night alone, thinking what he may be doing…feel he prefers that to me the real thing. We have tried to walk away a few times but he always calls and I always take him. http://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-stop-being-a-needy-girlfriend-anxious-attachment-style/. It sounds like you need a big dose of strength and courage! Because how you spend your days is how you spend your life. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. My mom liked liked him…HELL my whole family did. For one woman, it could be a soul sister, a support group, or a parent. Even when I know I’m just going to end up broken. No, you do not need to be friends. BUT if you feel this is best for you, you'll find the strength are you broken up and trying to regain yourself now or have you decided to continue the relationship? Fear of not being loved or accepted by anyone else, Feelings of low self-worth, or even self-loathing, Concern about what friends and family will say, Poor role models (eg, parents or friends who lack courage to change their lives). Hello, I just want to say, I know how you feel, except I have allowed my daughters father to do this for 11 years, are circumstances are so similar, and I wish I could go back to our 4th year, and leave.. I wish with all my heart i could make this better again but im afraid we are too far gone now. He turned to drugs because i wasnt giving him enough of my time (we worked opposite shifts at the time. Try a helpline, or social services, or a distress line. You need to get emotionally and spiritually strong, and the only way to do that is to start looking inwards. i desperately want to tell my mum but why give her this burden. Hi… I have a boyfriend we have been together for two years… Everything stared off great and it seems like a couple of months later everything changes… I started getting abuses physically and verbally…. My kids always wonder where daddy is for days at a time. My first suggestion is to read On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone by Florence Falk. I have my degree, but still no job. He watches very sexual movies when I am asleep I discover on Netflix seems to prefer Russian woman (????). I am madly in love with my boyfriend, and I can’t seem to figure out why, because he flirts with other girls excessively, when I say that, I am NOT overexaggerating. Crying! Is it because I promised I would always be there as long as he needed me?? Lack of motivation to find someone new (eg, a new hair stylist, better business partner, more suitable roommate, etc). After two years of long distance dating I gave up my apartment, my great job and family/friends and moved to another state and in with him. He has never done anything like this before and hasnt since. I have to bring my 25 year old I am so lost. What you see is what you get. the other thing i battle with is that we are perfectly normal 50% of the time so i feel guilty then thinking about leaving and also that it would seem like me being silly and melodramatic and that’s what he would say. He has to be in control of everything. Anyone been through this how you find the strength?! How Racial Trauma Affects Your Adolescent, What Does ADHD Look Like? And, you can’t find strength if you allow your emotions to dictate your thoughts and decisions. Reflect on it for a few moments. It is almost on a clock with the cycle; HUGE fight, apologies, promises, good attempts to correct behavior (counseling/”communication meetings” together, couples books, etc.). I cant even go anywhere without him getting mad, doubting me and starting a fight. Then I’d get to the end of that and go put on my makeup and go about my life… until the next day. Upon the third attempt he was unable to stay erect and it then came out he is obsessed about men at the moment and previously had sex with one. I’m going to take my kids and leave… I just don’t know how, I don’t even have a driver license, no money. He is depressing me. Everytime i am with a friend he thinks i am with another man, so i try to not go out or i dont tell him i am out. I don’t know who he’s lying to and I really couldnt care less, I just want to get out the relationship. The only way to find strength to get out of a bad relationship is to find a different source of strength. He said he was going to try that lasted a couple weeks. I don’t know, but I’m tired of questioning and not being number one. Our life force begins to dwindle. The first piece might be calling a friend, family member, or women’s help line. He controls me and tells me to get the f out. and for some reason i start feeling bad and wanting to go back. Needless to say this erupted into a huge fight. This one is different. Don’t hide from them anymore. there are also many other negative factors in her that scares me to marry her including her short temper behaviors. He just is driving me crazy, i just left him a week ago because he came home drunk and got violent. He has still never admitted it but I have talked to the girl. In 5 years, the day the youngest turns 18, I am gone. Two months later I thought something wasn’t right so I emailed his wife who told me that they weren’t split up and was really angry. I would but where and how ? Not even close. I wish you all the best, and pray you’ll have the strength to stay in your marriage for the next five years. I’m sorry that your relationship isn’t going well. Come back anytime, let me know how you are. Thanks for sharing your story. Then a short amount of “normal” relationship time passes(up to seven days) and then it starts all over. We took our time in a sexual sense until a couple of weeks ago where the first two attempts were ok. I want out I know this isn’t what got had for me , but he’s the only thing that makes me smile I dont know what to do ? But there are so so so many problems in our relationship. Where do you need to start, what do you need to do? I wanna leave but at the same time I don’t wanna lose him. PLEASE give my some advice. Just a slap here and there. I knoe it will never change..but WHY do i still want to try again.?! So i know im venting and all over the place lol but we seperated a couple months ago for a short time… I met someone well i knew him before and there was strong feelings. Please call a legal aid office or women’s support network, and find out what resources exist in your area. How Can I Tell If My Teenager Is Using Drugs or Other Substances? Where do you want to be in six months? I think your first step towards gaining the strength to leave a bad relationship is to connect with just one person who supports you. Figuring out why you’re staying in a loveless marriage may help you find the courage to get out of a bad relationship. I’ve been told by him he doesn’t care and I know I’m not #1 in his life. The headaches and backaches and depression. He finally surprised me and in September he stopped staying out, Until he got a job 8 months later and got his first paycheck. I understand the feeling. I did this because it turned the heat up and really was the only way to get some action after time. Seems like he is just wrapped up in himself and feels nothing for me. Symptoms and Signs, Depression Hotline Numbers: Here’s Where To Get Help. Why do you not want to lose him? If you can’t rely on your own willpower to break free, then who or what can you rely on? Idk how to do this idk if I want to be alone again. I believe in you, that you have the strength and courage you need to get out of a bad relationship. It sounds like it’s time to decide if you should stay in this relationship, or find the strength to leave. The love I felt the love I desired badly had me try again not once twice but numerious times, only to go back to the same and worse, single mother of three beautiful kids hard working and soooo loving, I can’t seem to get rid of the pain I can’t seem to just walk away from someone I know will never treat me as I deserve, no friends no family just my kids I get manipulated into thinking that one day the man I love will change! If I could stand up right now, I’d look at my planner from then and could probably tell you that I was drunk and we were fighting. This could go on and on i feel like i just need guidance amd strength. Have an uncle who has supported me most my life but I don’t think he knows what I endure everyday. To get over someone you love, … I know it’s not healthy on both sides, but I feel guilty since I have done my own damage to him and the relationship. Have you asked yourself what you really want and thought about what you deserve? As childish as it sounds, i wish i could erase all the bad we have gone through and go back to the day we met. The sickness comes. Four years ago I went back to college thinking when I graduated, the job market would be better and I could find a great job to provide for myself and my children with a college degree. I think you need to get in-person support, from a counselor or social worker or someone who can help you figure out how to get the strength to leave him. Our relationship started with my 2 children so we have never really had us time. He would to attend any of my family outings… And he stopped me from going to any just because he could not go… He started checking me account to see how much my checks were but hey that’s my man so I had no issue … then he started to tell me how we are going to spend my money… Buying himself things…and I’m in way too deep.. http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/what-to-do-about-your-relationship-problems/. I am afraid of being alone though, ive lost friends for staying with him so the fear of going through this alone kills me. What is your emotional type? The second piece might be admitting that you are in a bad place in your life, and you need help. I hear stories about girls who get out of bad relationships and end up finding themselves, i want to be that girl. I am not happy at all and I must leave now before it really effect my kids. Take a chance. I am turning into someone i dont know anymore. There is nothing wrong with you – you’re a normal woman! You already know what you should do about your boyfriend…the question you need to answer for yourself is why you don’t do what you know you should do. You’ll grieve the end of this relationship…but remember that it’s not good for you to stay! i love my husband so much but he had already expressed his longing to be free. In the past she was hurt when her father and I split up so I do keep them somewhat distant. Get radically honest and raise your standards. If you can’t stop thinking that you’d … Either you tell him this you are wanting and expecting more of his time and he works with it to make you feel more apart of his life. Controlling, Manipulation, Cuss me in front my kids, putting down…. And blames me for the yelling and screaming that he constantly does that to me. We become lethargic and choose lifeless foods. I’m not who I use to be I feel like I have no fight left in me. He cheated once before, well that I know of, umm… he tells more attractive girls that he’s not in a relationship and that he’s not in love with anyone, (on facebook) yet he tells me he’s in love with me, that he loves me soooo much. And how can you stop? Choose fear of the unknown over the illusory safety of the familiar. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me but realizes that I’m an amazing women just has to face his demons! This is the only life you’ll be given. Forgiving a Cheating Spouse and Rebuilding Your Marriage. I know maybe me having thinking about someone else doesnt help but thats really not the issue. You need to accept him the way he is right now, or get out. It’s called a leap of faith because we jump without seeing the landing. Not only does Law of Attraction come into play once you do this, but you suddenly start thriving in ways you never did before. I will pray that you find the strength and courage you need to leave that man before he hurts you really bad! And when you’re talking to strong women, remember that sometimes the worst thing you fear could be the best thing that ever happened to you. My 15year old son loves her. I feel like I’m 34 now why can’t I just be happy. I’m curious if you’re looking for strength to leave him, or if you want to stay in this relationship. Bottom line though, he tries to control me (takes my car away from me), has been psychical and has threatened suicide on several occasions. “We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded. If you want someone with a stable career, find a stable career yourself. Take this quiz to track your moods and determine if you may have mania and if you can benefit from seeing a mental health professional. Im falling apart inside. I’m looking for the financial help now and hope I can make that plan to leave within a month. I end up exhausted and sore. he said next time he attacks he’s going to use razorblades. I snapped) and he cheated because (he didnt feel love in our relationship because of all our arguing) so as i said.. i am not perfect. My second suggestion is to get in-person support from a counselor, support group, or trusted friend. Im scared of been alone, of having no one my family are not supportive, my partner only watches the kids when i really need to because we are together if we split, he would not have them even if it was drs etc meaning i would not be able to get there. When I went through my divorce, remember having 3 solid months of just crying… everyday for a couple of hours! Tips on how to deal with a break up and move on with your life. I am here to offer living proof that you do deserve better. Am I crazy for even being here with him? If there’s a woman in your life that you admire, or one loved and lost, then talk to her. I have even offered to watch porn with him if that is his desire (not what I want to do though). Not to mention we live together. I’ve been robbed of my self esteem. I would like to ask how is your life know? I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have been married for 8 years. I’ve lost a stone and a half in weight and feel crappie all the time but I just can’t seem to walk away even though ugh I know eventually it’ll improve my son and I life. These tips on how to leave a man you love but can’t live with will help you decide if it’s time to say good-bye. Many women also find the strength and courage they need to leave – and I hope and pray you will, too. Don’t overwhelm yourself by thinking of all the things you need to take care of. It’s time for you to change your expectations, thoughts, and behaviors. It might also be good to talk to a lawyer, and figure out what legal rights you have for alimony and child support. I’ve tried leaving but then I get crap thrown in my face and used against me. You sound so unhappy and confused about your relationship. Why do people stay in marriages, work partnerships, or love relationships that are going nowhere? Everything was glitter and rainbows when we first moved, however, recently we got into it pretty bad and he put hands on me. He doesn’t care about your relationship the way you do. https://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people-when-someone-you-love-toxic I met a lovely guy and we entered into a relationship and things were going so well. You’re not the only one who is stuck in a relationship that hurts. Tell trusted family members and friends about the situation, including that you plan to leave. I have nowhere to go my parents died when I was eight years old. If you can even understand all i wrote… Please help me. Give yourself time to make the decision, and surround yourself with positive, supportive, healthy people who can help you through the painful parts. Your boyfriend needs help with his anger and actions towards you, and you can’t give him the help he needs. 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